Forgive...How Many Times? Matthew 18:21-22

In this Christmas season there is a lot of talk about "peace", "goodwill towards men", "just be nice", etc. The problem with all these good intentions is that they tend to run head long into the reality of being in close quarters with other people. During the holidays we are usually with friends and people we love, but inevitably someone is going to say or do something that hurts us, perhaps deeply. How should we respond?

In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter comes to our Lord and says to Him,

Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'"

Now we have to understand that Peter is trying to be generous. The rabbis in that day taught that people should forgive someone at least three times. Peter doubled that and added one more for good measure. I think he thought that Jesus would agree with him, or at least commend him, but instead, Jesus says we should forgive "seventy times seven", which is four hundred and ninety times.

Again, we have to understand that in Christ's day this idiom meant an infinite number of times. Jesus is teaching us that our forgiveness of others should never stop or have a number on it. Because of what Christ has done for us and how much we have been forgiven by God, we have no right to ever say "I won't forgive you" (see Ephesians 4:32).

Having said that, unlimited forgiveness does not mean that we can't confront people who are hurting us. We can and should let them know that what they have done has wounded or offended us. They may not realize what they have done, and if lovingly confronted, hopefully they will address it. But especially if it is deliberate and intentional, we need to confront the person and tell them how his or her actions and/or words have negatively affected us.But once we have addressed the person, forgiveness needs to be applied.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. It is not necessarily trusting someone again. Nor does it mean that two people will be close. Forgiveness is a choice with God's supernatural help to not hold the offense against another any longer. It is choosing to bear the consequences of another's words or actions without seeking revenge or hanging on to negative feelings about another. Obviously, one would hope that the offender would ask forgiveness or attempt to change or make things right. If he or she does, we should forgive them (see Luke 17:3-4). But even if they don't admit to or change anything, we should forgive them because this is the example Jesus gave us when He said on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34). Beyond that, practically-speaking, unforgiveness is a cancer that left unchecked will eat away at your soul.

The point is, we need to ask the Lord to help us to forgive. It is a supernatural act. We can't do it on our own. And if there is any time better than another, Christmas has to be one of those times. Have a blessed and forgiving Christmas season!