Are We Commanded to Love Ourselves? Matthew 22:39

I realize that this is an accepted truth in the world, and among many Christians today as well, but I do not believe that the Bible teaches that we should love ourselves.

In Matthew 22:39, Christ says, "you shall love your neighbor as yourself" and a lot of people have understood this as a command for us to love ourselves. But the command, grammatically-speaking, is for us to love others. Even self-love proponents like Bruce Narramore in his book, You're Someone Special, says we "...are wrong in trying to base self-love on this passage" (pp. 21-22). The last part of this sentence is simply an acknowledgment of the human condition. As Paul says in Ephesians 5:29, "no one ever hated his own flesh..."

Sure there are people who say they hate themselves, and even cut and mutilate their flesh to prove it. But the reality is that deep down they really love themselves and these people are distraught about how crummy their lives are. They hurt themselves because they are crying out for help or to find temporary relief from their emotional pain. It appears to be self-hatred, but it is really self-love.

Self love is not the solution to our ills, it is in fact a sin and a root of many of our problems. It is the first of many sins listed by Paul in II Timothy 3:1-4, and it is the source of many emotional and relational issues, not the cure-all.

Now I am not advocating self-hatred or "worm-theology". In Christ we as believers have tremendous value and worth. We are saints (I Corinthians 1:12). We are co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17). We are new creations (II Cor. 5:17). We have a whole new wonderful identity with many, many wonderful aspects (see Neil Anderson's book, Victory Over the Darkness for a fuller description of who we are in Christ).

The point is that we as Christians should have a healthy self-respect based on who we are now in Christ (Eph. 2:10), and God doesn't mind us being properly concerned about our well-being, as long as we also have a proper concern for others (see Philippians 2:4). But pride is a sinful preoccupation with ourselves, and pride is clearly to be avoided (James 4:6), because it is thinking too highly of ourselves (Romans 12:3). In short, pride and self-love may not be exactly the same, but they are both sins to be avoided at all costs. They are offensive to God and a danger to ourselves.

The year 1974 was the first time I know of in Christian history that someone suggested that Christians should love themselves. Up until that time self-love was considered narcissism by much of the world and most Christians. All that has turned completely around in the past thirty-five years. Some believers view this as progress, but Paul says it is an indication that we are living in the "difficult times" of the "last days" (I Timothy 3:1). I agree with Paul.

See my book When Counseling is Not Enough, chapter 17, for a complete discussion of self-esteem.